| so i'm going to move to ks for a job. i think it'll be a good job for me, writing for one of the newspapers in hillsboro. i'll be saying goodbye to this old xanga of mine. the timing seems right, somehow.
docpaperscissors.blogspot.com - the original: the remix, the sequel |
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| Home was a condo on the fifteenth floor of a filing cabinet for widows and young professionals. The walls were solid concrete. A foot of concrete is important when your next-door neighbor lets their hearing aid go and have to watch game-shows at full volume. Or when a volcanic blast of debris that used to be your furniture and personal effects blows out of your floor-to-ceiling windows and sails flaming into the night. I suppose these things happen.
--Tyler Durden |
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that ain’t a parachute / that ain’t a rip cord
that ain’t a body of water we’re headed for
there’s so little time left / so much to be done
even you are gonna need someone
if that's the theme song, here's the cliche...
Do I have an original thought in my head? My bald head. Maybe if I were
happier my hair wouldn't be falling out. Life is short. I need to make
the most of it. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm a
walking cliché. I really need to go to the doctor and have my leg
checked. There's something wrong. A bump. The dentist called again. I'm
way overdue. If I stop putting things off I would be happier. All I do
is sit on my fat ass. If my ass wasn't fat I would be happier. I
wouldn't have to wear these shirts with the tails out all the time.
Like that's fooling anyone. Fat ass. I should start jogging again. Five
miles a day. Really do it this time. Maybe rock climbing. I need to
turn my life around. What do I need to do? I need to fall in love. I
need to have a girlfriend. I need to read more and prove myself. What
if I learned Russian or something, or took up an instrument. I could
speak Chinese. I'd be the screenwriter who speaks Chinese and plays the
oboe. That would be cool. I should get my hair cut short. Stop trying
to fool myself and everyone else into thinking I have a full head of
hair. How pathetic is that. Just be real. Confident. Isn't that what
women are attracted to? Men don't have to be attractive. But that's not
true. Especially these days. Almost as much pressure on men as there is
on women these days. Why should I be made to feel I have to apologize
for my existence? Maybe it's my brain chemistry. Maybe that's what's
wrong with me. Bad chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be
reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I
need to get help for that. But I'll still be ugly though. Nothing's
going to change that.
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| i wish i could make my words cut like a knife, like radiohead does with theirs... but it is good that i don't....
when you were here before / couldn't look you in the eye / you're just like an angel / your skin makes me cry
you float like a feather /
in a beautiful world / i wish i was special / you're so f---ing special / but i'm a creep / i'm a weirdo / what the hell am I doing here? / i don't belong here
i don't care if it hurts / i want to have control / i want a perfect body / i want a perfect soul / i want you to notice / when i'm not around / you're so f---ing special / i wish i was special / but i'm a creep / i'm a weirdo / what the hell am i doing here? / i don't belong here
she's running out the door / she's running / she run, run, run, run, run
whatever makes you happy /
whatever you want / you're so f---ing special / i wish i was special / but i'm a creep / i'm a weirdo / what the hell am i doing here? / i don't belong here / i don't belong here
i should be working on my term paper for ethics. i'd write about some virtue--courage, maybe, or hope--or some vice like anger or lust. as things are, it seems that i only really know anything about apathy. oh and here's a theory i saw about what an ODB rap video would have been like a couple hundred years ago.
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